I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Even my vagina gasped.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
