So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
He just climbed off me and used my hairspray to fix his hair. If he hadn't just gone down on me I would think he's gay.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Randomize
