no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
