so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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