took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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