Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Randomize
