It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I'm drinking away my Christmas cash. People are going to get bar receipts as presents.
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
