Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
Randomize
