I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
