so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
You peed on a flamingo?!?
Randomize
