"it" just moved
I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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