WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
