i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
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