That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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