Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
