this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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