there comes a time in a mans life when you ask yourself, will i fake love for blowjobs? and the answer is always yes
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I went to the bathroom, came back, and my friend was sleeping leaning up against the stripper pole.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
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