not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
false alarm, still single
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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