why didn't you poke me back
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
Randomize
