u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Randomize
