like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
