I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
