The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
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