remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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