I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
Last night was the twilight zone. We hungout with our 45 year old future selves and tried to fuck everything with a dick. Lets move forward from this.
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
She just causally held my limp dick in her hand the entire movie. Her parents were cuddling on the couch too..that brave!
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
