I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
My saliva right now is around 7.6% alcohol/volume.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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