When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
