I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
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