I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
yea im pretty sure it has something do with my love of forearms...
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Randomize
