Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
It was just...long. I started around 2. And I think i went to bed around 2. So 12 straight hours? I remember a milkshake and frozen grapes.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
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