and she was petting her beer can
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
