your thong is hanging out like whoa
glad you had fun, i did too. am rubbing aloe on my butt now.
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
