you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
