Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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