Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
