it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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