This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
