I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
