I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
