TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Do the right thing and go fuck yourself off a cliff
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
