I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Randomize
