We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
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