This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
