will power is for people who don't want to get laid
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
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