My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
