She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
