I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
