be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
You have to wear the princess leia gold bikini every Sunday
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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