possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
