i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
