my brain is sober enough to have a conversation.. but my arms feel nice
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
