he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
Randomize
